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Posted by on Sep 12, 2013 in Inspiration, Life | 3 comments

Living With Someone Is Hard & Stuff

Today, we are talking about the challenges of cohabitation, and they are aplenty. Recently I have moved in with my significant other of four years, and today I wanted to expose some of the interesting and unique challenges that only living with someone for the first time can offer. Do not let the title fool you- I am still as madly in love as ever, and am firmly rooted in the idea that this was all a GOOD plan. I just think there is a gigantic learning curve that I am constantly sliding back and forth on everyday. I tweeted a few weeks back that there are challenges that no one can prepare you for when it comes to living with someone for the first time, but I am going to try to extoll some things I have learned these last few months:

Living together does not mean you have a built in playmate for 24 hours a day. I am someone who really enjoys alone time, which is why I am SO surprised at myself for falling victim to this ideology. It’s just something about being in tight living quarters with one of your best friends that automatically makes you feel like you want/should/are constantly hanging out with them. I mean, he’s my best friend! And now we are together everyday! How cool is that? Super cool….until the other person wants to do something on their own, (as well they should)! Living together is a weird shift, because it means that you are still doing tons of things together and going on dates, but there are also times where you are just doing your own thing…but in the same room as your partner who is also doing their own thing. It is a strange adjustment.

You have to love in such a way that the other person feels free. This is a great message that I used to be very cognizant of. In my current (and former) relationships I have tried to be very aware that people need to feel independent, and I am in no position to tell anyone what to do at any time. I am an independent woman (cue Beyonce’s Grown Woman) and I will talk to, read, travel with, go, (etc) anywhere/with anyone/do anything that I want, and I want the other person to feel the same. However, harking back to my last point, being in a 1000 square foot apartment makes one person hyper aware of the other person’s choices, from what they are having for breakfast to who they are hanging out with…all of the time. Despite that I don’t want to control anyone, I can also be hyper critical (textbook Virgo!). I need to work on upholding these truths I know to be valid but in the present moment. Everyone has their own life to live!

You’re putting yourself under a microscope. – If you are anything like me, that is. I think I can be critical of others because I am super, super critical on myself. I still beat myself up over things I have said YEARS ago. It’s just how I am. I am constantly assessing what I am saying/doing/thinking. It’s kind of exhausting, to tell you the truth. However, I feel like it is all enhanced now that I am living with someone. Probably because I am being flooded with new situations that I am not sure how to deal with. What should I say? How should I respond? Is this worth arguing over? Is this not a big deal? Do I feel like it’s a big deal? Am I just making it a bigger deal that it is? Is it going to bother me later? Was that the wrong thing to say? It’s like putting yourself under a microscope to assess how you deal with every and any situation, and maybe having to face your own habits that you may not like. You can’t run, there is someone paying witness to your actions every day now! It’s new, and interesting, and terrifying, and worth it.

We still lurve eachother, promise! : )

Now that I have you thinking that my boyfriend and I are probably on the brink of a breakup (we are not) and that I am super unhappy (I definitely am not) let me tell you a few of the great things about living with someone for the first time (there are many):

You can have the home life that you want to design- This might also just be a hallmark of moving from any childhood home into adulthood, but it’s so nice to come home and feel like I am in my own space, the space that I designed and surrounded by everything that I want and love. I can eat chinese food on the couch at 3 in the morning and no one can stop me! Also, we have mostly the same taste in interior design, which makes everything easier!

I get to wake up every morning to the sweetest face - My boyfriend just wakes up happy, and it fills my heart with glee every time I think about it. Might I also say, as the envy of every woman in the world, that he makes me breakfast every single day? And I don’t mean a bowl of cereal, he genuinely makes me eggs, hashbrowns, and (fake) bacon with a french press of coffee. Every. Single. Day. I mean, could I get any luckier?

As much as it’s not a guaranteed 24 hour playdate, it kind of is.- There is something to be said for sharing everyday with the one you love. Some of my favorite moments are just ordering pizza and watching television together, it’s fun having someone around.  It’s nice always having someone to talk about your day with you, run errands with, or just hang out. For as much as it has been challenging, it is that much more rewarding. I think I will keep him.

For some reason I like exposing my vulnerabilities on the internet! I like sharing truth, and not just the moments that are exciting and glitzy. Life takes at least a little effort, doesn’t it?

Are there tips you have? Are you shocked I revealed such truths? Do you disagree? Pop a comment below!
As always…thanks for reading!

3 Comments

  1. Sing it sista! I’m so guilty of breaking the 24 hr playmate rule for as much as I like quiet and “alone” time I love sitting in the sunshine of his love as I call it and I know SOME people need the physical space and not just the quiet. Not all of the time, but sometimes. Nothing can really prepare you for the challenges or the blessings- you’re so lucky to get breakfast! Wake up time for me is always alone time and, half the time, leftover breakfast! You’re in good company!

    • Ahh Thank you for the solidarity!! It is always reassuring when I expose some true feelings and get really great words of empathy. It can be so difficult to keep yourself from feeling like you have to hang out with someone 24 hours a day, or even know when you technically are hanging out and technically aren’t! I completely agree that nothing can prepare you for both, and there are BOTH blessings and challenges, for sure! : )

  2. AMEN!!! I recently got married and we never lived together beforehand nor had I ever had a roommate so this was a huge shock. Everyone loved to mention all kinds of wedding advice but no one mentioned how hard it is living with someone. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in my feelings :)

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